Who am I today?

I really just felt like writing today.  I just had this feeling that I needed to.  I always feel so much better after I write.  Not that I feel bad today but I almost just feel weighted down.  I am currently typing with no idea where this is going.  I quit writing for a while because nothing would come to my mind while I was pregnant.  Like the being growing in me sucked by brain out.  After I had him, I still didn't type much.  When my grandfather died I wrote as a comfort for myself.  I wrote to try to explain to people what he meant to me and to tell as many people as I could about him.  Then, I didn't really write much again.  Today, I don't know.  Just feel like something needs to flow out to the internet.  Not even sure that it is anything important.  I have been at an unusual place lately.  30 years old is creeping up.  I am raising teenagers.  I have a mom/daughter relationship with them.  I love them more than they know.  Setting that mom/daughter boundary is hard.  I am not their friend.  I am not supposed to be.  Being a mom is so much more.  Then, I flip that and I have a few ladies who come to me as their mentor.  I can have that friend relationship with them while still trying to guide them.  And I am finding out how badly I need both.  I LOVE being a mom, and I love being a mom to teenagers.  Like, seriously love it.  There are really tough and emotional days, but I love it.  But I also need the people who look at me as a mentor.  I need to know that someone wants to be my friend and wants my advice.  My kids don't always want it.  They get it, but they don't want it. They think I am dumb, just like most kids do with their parents.  The ones who seek me out as a mentor, actually want it and seek it out.  And that has me thinking about how we need different roles in our lives.  These days it is so easy to get overwhelmed by the different roles we play in life.  Every time I check facebook or social media there is someone writing about not being able to do it all.  About how they feel like they are drowning in responsibility.  I understand those feelings.  I feel them often.  I have a lot of roles.  I am a wife, daughter, mother, follower of Christ, friend, and many other things.  I think I need a paradigm shift with this.  Instead of seeing the number of roles I have and being overwhelmed, I need to see how much I need each role to build me up.  How each one builds up certain parts of my story and my character.  I know we see all this stuff saying how we need to chill out and just do our best and not worry.  And I agree with that, but sometimes I am just floating along and not really trying to be my best.  I make excuses.  I am not perfect and I never will be.  And I will never claim to be. I use the fact that I know I can never be perfect to just "check out" sometimes and go through the motions.  I overlook the people involved and concentrate on all the things and stuff.  But I want to know everyday that I am pushing my best in whatever roles I have played that day, because I needed those roles.  You know why I needed those roles?  Because those roles involve people.  And people are important.  People are all that matter.  God has given me those roles, and those people.  He does not expect perfection.  But he expects me to give it my all.
He even says in Ecclesiastes 9:20 "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going."
God expects me to give it all I have.  In whatever role I have to take on.  I want to see people and not just the tasks I have to accomplish.  And when I am overwhelmed in the middle of fulfilling my role, I want to make sure I take a moment to remind myself that there is an end goal that matters and that brief moment doesn't.  We ALL have so many roles.  We need them.  We need to be needed and we need to need other people.  Our roles are for a much greater purpose.  I am thankful for all of mine and I am determined to try to be better at each of them.