I haven't blogged in quite a while. I don't really know why. The mixture of kids being home from school, travelling, and just not really feeling it just made me not sit down and type out thoughts. I have had some blogging topics pop in and out of my head but sometimes I knew they were just plain terrible and others I felt like I had some pride in and I didn't want it to come across that way so I just dealt with them myself. I really felt like updating today though. Bragging on God just a little. I haven't blogged since we announced the pregnancy. I guess I just wanted to write about it.
We prayed that if we got moved to a long term house, we would start trying to have a baby. Shelter was just too crazy to bring a newborn into. We wanted the stability that long term care brings. The day we found out we were moving Dustin looked at me and said "Well, I guess this means we are going to have a baby." I have several friends that have struggled with infertility. I, for some reason, have told myself all along that I would struggle to get pregnant. If you know me, you know that I am not a negative person, so this mindset was unusual for me. I think I was trying to prevent myself from being disappointed(stupid thought process). My prayer from the time we began trying was that God would remember me and find favor in me. All through out the Bible, there are women who were barren and then became pregnant and it says that the Lord remembered them. I don't know if that means that God forgot them. I don't believe He ever forgets us, but I am not sure why that is the chosen wording. But, it is what it says, so it is what I prayed. At the time I was also reading all about David in the Bible. Many of his prayers were him asking that the Lord to remember the good things he had done. He recounted to God all the times that David was faithful. So I began to do that. Understand that I know I am a terrible sinner who does very little good in this world. BUT David was an adulterous murderer. He also was the only man God called "a man after God's own heart." SO I was trying very hard to follow some biblical steps here. I began telling the Lord that I spent my life loving other people's children that eventually moved on out of my life. That I just wanted one that would be mine forever. That I wanted to be content with whatever He chose and if that was that I would have to adopt to have a child forever, I would be okay with that, but that the desire of my heart was to grow a child in my body. My biggest concern with eventually having to adopt was that I did not want one of my foster children to feel like I had picked another child over them for adoption. I didn't ever want them to feel "not good enough." I told God all of this. I poured my heart out to him just like Hannah did in 1 Samuel. I told him that I in no way thought I was special enough to carry Jesus like Mary was BUT I did want him to find favor in me like He did her to give her a child. My anxiety over the whole things was actually crazy high. I was telling Dustin all of this one night and as calm and matter of fact as could be he looked at me and said "I absolutely believe you will carry a child." It was like some revelation. He said, "I don't know how long it will take us or what we will have to do but you will carry a child." Ya'll, after that night, I didn't worry anymore. When your husband speaks something like that over you, you just cry and believe it. Or I did at least. I don't know why God chose to hear my prayer. I have no idea. I have prayed many prayers over the years that God has not answered, or answered with a no. I don't believe I am more special that anyone who cannot have children. I know many women who are FAR more Godly that me that can't have children. I will never understand that this side of Heaven. I believe in adoption and believe it is more of an example of the gospel lived out than anything else I can name, including me carrying this child. If they Lord calls us away from this job, we will adopt(Lord willing). But I am just going to rest in the things I do know. I do know that I prayed, and He answered. I will be grateful for this pregnancy. I will enjoy this baby growing in me, because I may not get another chance.
People keep asking what gender we want. Everyone says "I don't care." We seriously don't. I am praying every night for a healthy baby and that, no matter what, this child love Jesus from a young age and walk in His ways. We raise a house full of girls. If it is a girl, it will fit right in. If it is a boy, Dustin will have some more testosterone in the house. The kids on campus are so excited about the baby. I will have so much help! Our parents and family and friends are all so excited about a baby. I know life is about to get a little more difficult with a baby in the house. I also know it is about to get a little more sweeter. I am just soaking it all up.
We prayed that if we got moved to a long term house, we would start trying to have a baby. Shelter was just too crazy to bring a newborn into. We wanted the stability that long term care brings. The day we found out we were moving Dustin looked at me and said "Well, I guess this means we are going to have a baby." I have several friends that have struggled with infertility. I, for some reason, have told myself all along that I would struggle to get pregnant. If you know me, you know that I am not a negative person, so this mindset was unusual for me. I think I was trying to prevent myself from being disappointed(stupid thought process). My prayer from the time we began trying was that God would remember me and find favor in me. All through out the Bible, there are women who were barren and then became pregnant and it says that the Lord remembered them. I don't know if that means that God forgot them. I don't believe He ever forgets us, but I am not sure why that is the chosen wording. But, it is what it says, so it is what I prayed. At the time I was also reading all about David in the Bible. Many of his prayers were him asking that the Lord to remember the good things he had done. He recounted to God all the times that David was faithful. So I began to do that. Understand that I know I am a terrible sinner who does very little good in this world. BUT David was an adulterous murderer. He also was the only man God called "a man after God's own heart." SO I was trying very hard to follow some biblical steps here. I began telling the Lord that I spent my life loving other people's children that eventually moved on out of my life. That I just wanted one that would be mine forever. That I wanted to be content with whatever He chose and if that was that I would have to adopt to have a child forever, I would be okay with that, but that the desire of my heart was to grow a child in my body. My biggest concern with eventually having to adopt was that I did not want one of my foster children to feel like I had picked another child over them for adoption. I didn't ever want them to feel "not good enough." I told God all of this. I poured my heart out to him just like Hannah did in 1 Samuel. I told him that I in no way thought I was special enough to carry Jesus like Mary was BUT I did want him to find favor in me like He did her to give her a child. My anxiety over the whole things was actually crazy high. I was telling Dustin all of this one night and as calm and matter of fact as could be he looked at me and said "I absolutely believe you will carry a child." It was like some revelation. He said, "I don't know how long it will take us or what we will have to do but you will carry a child." Ya'll, after that night, I didn't worry anymore. When your husband speaks something like that over you, you just cry and believe it. Or I did at least. I don't know why God chose to hear my prayer. I have no idea. I have prayed many prayers over the years that God has not answered, or answered with a no. I don't believe I am more special that anyone who cannot have children. I know many women who are FAR more Godly that me that can't have children. I will never understand that this side of Heaven. I believe in adoption and believe it is more of an example of the gospel lived out than anything else I can name, including me carrying this child. If they Lord calls us away from this job, we will adopt(Lord willing). But I am just going to rest in the things I do know. I do know that I prayed, and He answered. I will be grateful for this pregnancy. I will enjoy this baby growing in me, because I may not get another chance.
People keep asking what gender we want. Everyone says "I don't care." We seriously don't. I am praying every night for a healthy baby and that, no matter what, this child love Jesus from a young age and walk in His ways. We raise a house full of girls. If it is a girl, it will fit right in. If it is a boy, Dustin will have some more testosterone in the house. The kids on campus are so excited about the baby. I will have so much help! Our parents and family and friends are all so excited about a baby. I know life is about to get a little more difficult with a baby in the house. I also know it is about to get a little more sweeter. I am just soaking it all up.
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