I heard Brother Jack use a quote not very long ago and it went right along with a thought that had been bouncing in my head and heart for several months. He said something to the effect of this "With great love comes great grief." I believe he stated who originally said it but I cannot remember who it was. The thought I have been wrapping my head around is that I rarely experience one emotion at a time anymore. I have very strong emotions and I feel multiple ones, but rarely one at a time. Like, in this case of grief, great love was felt as well. When people pass away we are also thankful for the time we did get to have with that person. Another example that sticks out in my head is the other day my girls were laughing, and when I say laughing I mean full on giggling fits. Over nothing. And that last for forever. I was in the kitchen listening and it made my heart so full. So happy that they were experiencing that joy that teenage girls should experience. That freedom of the heart to just laugh until your stomach hurts and you have tears streaming down your cheeks. Laughing so hard that you don't even really know what you are laughing at anymore. And then the sadness hit me. The sadness that it had taken weeks for them to get to that point. When they first moved in that innocence, that joy wasn't there. Sadness that for a little while they had forgotten they could laugh without anything holding their heart back. That safety that has to be in place to laugh with all you have. I had joy and sadness all in one moment. I often experience anger at a birth parent for poor decisions and then thankfulness that the Lord put the child here with us. That brings safety to the child and an opportunity for Jesus to sweep into the child and the family. I often feel chaos but deep peace. Which makes no sense but its that whole 'peace that passes understanding' thing that I can never accurately describe but sure do feel. The more the Lord was letting me trip over this concept, the more I was discussing it with Him. And one day(I am a slow learner, so forgive me if this sounds like the most basic concept to you) it hit me. I will always feel that battle of emotions as long as I am here on earth. The negative emotions are a direct result of sin. Sorrow, grief, anger, bitterness, sadness, shame,are all things that entered the world when sin did. Those emotions don't control me. They do not dictate my life, but they are there. I do experience them. I experience them very deeply sometimes. In my gut. In my heart. They cause many tears. BUT on the other side of that, because I know Christ I experience joy, love, laughter, peace, hope, goodness. I experience those deeply too and weirdly enough they cause tears too! The good news is that one day when I get to sit at the feet of sweet Jesus and raise my hands in adoration and praise Him all of my days(yeah, I'm crying right now thinking of it), I will not feel one ounce of those negative emotions. Just wrapped in love and mercy and all the fruit of the spirit. That thought alone is what gets me through the moments or days or even seasons of those negative emotions. There is a day coming when that battle of emotions won't rage within me. It won't be there at all. The battle will be over. Jesus will have won, which means I win too. I win.
Comments
Post a Comment