The day before Good Friday. I have tried all day today to put myself in different people's mindset some 2000 years ago. I have a fascination with why people do what they do and what goes through their minds at the time.
I first thought about Mary. I cannot imagine what it must be like to watch your first born die such a painful death. To know that you can do nothing to stop what is happening. To know that your son has the ability to stop it all from happening but He won't because He has to do it to save the world. I don't know what it feels like to have your heart literally breaking inside your chest but I bet Mary does. I imagine she felt it with every hit, spit, and pound of the hammer. Almost in tears as I type this. I hope when I get to Heaven I get a chance to sit and talk with this amazingly strong women. I want to hug her.
Next my mind flowed to Pilate. I think Pilate sits in such a low position in most Christians eyes, but I actually feel sorry for him. He tried to talk the crowd out of killing Christ. He said that they had no charge against Him. He tried to make them take him as the prisoner that was often let go at Passover. He eventually crumbled under pressure. Here is the reality: I probably would have too. I am not proud of that statement. But as a leader of a massive amount of people who you want to keep pleased, I see why he did it. It is the same reason we so often just give in and do what people say. He eventually washed his hands in front of the crowd and said he was not responsible for Jesus's death. Of course, it did not make Pilate free of the guilt but OH how he wanted to be. I often hope that later on he found salvation. That those moments of trying to stand up for Christ were the beginning of God breaking through to his heart.
Next I went to the disciples(including the women) who were with Jesus so much. The had been told over and over again of what was to come and hoped that it wasn't literal. They hoped it was just another parable. Just a story to illustrate a point. This Son of God that they had walked, talked, prayed, ate, and fallen in love with would not have to die a horrible death and then leave them. The fear that they must have had when he was taken. The anger and sadness as they watched Him punished for things He did not do. The doubt that maybe they had fallen for something that wasn't true(I believe doubt strikes us all, but I believe they all found His wonderful grace in full in a couple of days). I often imagine them throwing up. When I think of this all it makes me sick to my stomach. It just turns and turns and I want to run to the nearest toilet or garbage and puke. I know I wouldn't have stood up for Him. That makes me want to cry too and then throw up and do it all again. I know I would have hid. Been intimidated and scared and hid. I hope that I would have been one of the women who went to prepare His body. I would guess that spreading the perfume would have been my sacrifice to Him to beg for forgiveness. A precious time of taking care of Him and doing my small part. I hope that. BUT I could have easily been one celebrating His death. One that completely turned my back. Oh how I so dearly hope to never be deceived by the World so much that I would turn my back on my Precious Jesus. But I am not naive enough to think that Satan isn't crafty and could cause me to stumble. I turn my back in small ways each day...listening to music that I know I probably shouldn't, laughing at that dirty joke I should not have listened too, losing patience, quick tongue, so many ways. I want to talk with lots of the disciples in Heaven too. Especially Mary Magdalene. Her story is AWESOME!
I have thought of Judas today. He gave our precious Jesus over to them. All for some silver. Terrible guy, right? No. Vulnerable, yes. Naive, Yes. I wonder what his mindset was before he gave in to the Pharisees. I know he was taking money from the disciples, but why? It wasn't like he was living high on the hog. He was living the same way the other disciples were. Why did he need money so bad? We don't read of him being angry or disgruntled. We don't read of some deep depression. I think of those people we all know who want to do well SO bad but just end up in bad situations. They talk to the wrong person or agree to go to the wrong place. And then BAM they lose a job, or family, or their sobriety. They end up in a terrible situation because Satan attacked at a weak point and they gave in. I think Judas just really loved money. Satan started tempting him and he slowly took some from the disciples. Maybe he was sending it home to his family. Maybe he was saving it because he just didn't think he was cut out for the life of a disciple but needed something to start over with. I don't know why. But after Satan got him making one bad choice after another when the Pharisees came to him with the offer of more money, it sure sounded good. I know he later felt guilty. He gave the money back! They man KILLED himself because of it all. I am an eternal optimist and deep down I hope he called out to God before he killed himself. That he gave his heart to God but couldn't handle the guilt of getting his dear friend killed. I know that scenario is unlikely, but I have to hold on to a shred of hope for his soul. Can you imagine if he did make it to Heaven what his testimony is like! AH! If not, I want to ask the disciples about him. I want to know the man behind the deceit.
This one will be a prayer to finish it all up. Lastly, my dear sweet Jesus, Thank you. Your thoughts those last days I cannot begin to imagine. You were human but you were all God. I do not have the thoughts of God and all my thoughts are corrupted by human standards. The pain you endured. The mental anguish. Knowing you were leaving the earth you had physically walked for 30+ years. Saying goodbye to your Mom and your friends. It wasn't forever but it was still probably heart breaking. Thank you for living your life knowing that you were my sacrifice. You redeemed me. You love me when I am unlovable. You use me to make a difference. You chose me to redeem and I cannot wait to sit at your feet and sing your praises. Thank you for enduring more pain than I could ever bear, feeling all the guilt I would even incur, and for experiencing the Father turning His back on you so that I would never have to. Thank you for overcoming death and for 3 days later. Thank you for giving me something to joyously celebrate not just on Easter but everyday of my life! You are more wonderful that words could ever express. All you ask for is my love, so please dear Lord, help me love you more everyday. I will spend all eternity thanking you and it still will not be enough. Thank you.
"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5
I first thought about Mary. I cannot imagine what it must be like to watch your first born die such a painful death. To know that you can do nothing to stop what is happening. To know that your son has the ability to stop it all from happening but He won't because He has to do it to save the world. I don't know what it feels like to have your heart literally breaking inside your chest but I bet Mary does. I imagine she felt it with every hit, spit, and pound of the hammer. Almost in tears as I type this. I hope when I get to Heaven I get a chance to sit and talk with this amazingly strong women. I want to hug her.
Next my mind flowed to Pilate. I think Pilate sits in such a low position in most Christians eyes, but I actually feel sorry for him. He tried to talk the crowd out of killing Christ. He said that they had no charge against Him. He tried to make them take him as the prisoner that was often let go at Passover. He eventually crumbled under pressure. Here is the reality: I probably would have too. I am not proud of that statement. But as a leader of a massive amount of people who you want to keep pleased, I see why he did it. It is the same reason we so often just give in and do what people say. He eventually washed his hands in front of the crowd and said he was not responsible for Jesus's death. Of course, it did not make Pilate free of the guilt but OH how he wanted to be. I often hope that later on he found salvation. That those moments of trying to stand up for Christ were the beginning of God breaking through to his heart.
Next I went to the disciples(including the women) who were with Jesus so much. The had been told over and over again of what was to come and hoped that it wasn't literal. They hoped it was just another parable. Just a story to illustrate a point. This Son of God that they had walked, talked, prayed, ate, and fallen in love with would not have to die a horrible death and then leave them. The fear that they must have had when he was taken. The anger and sadness as they watched Him punished for things He did not do. The doubt that maybe they had fallen for something that wasn't true(I believe doubt strikes us all, but I believe they all found His wonderful grace in full in a couple of days). I often imagine them throwing up. When I think of this all it makes me sick to my stomach. It just turns and turns and I want to run to the nearest toilet or garbage and puke. I know I wouldn't have stood up for Him. That makes me want to cry too and then throw up and do it all again. I know I would have hid. Been intimidated and scared and hid. I hope that I would have been one of the women who went to prepare His body. I would guess that spreading the perfume would have been my sacrifice to Him to beg for forgiveness. A precious time of taking care of Him and doing my small part. I hope that. BUT I could have easily been one celebrating His death. One that completely turned my back. Oh how I so dearly hope to never be deceived by the World so much that I would turn my back on my Precious Jesus. But I am not naive enough to think that Satan isn't crafty and could cause me to stumble. I turn my back in small ways each day...listening to music that I know I probably shouldn't, laughing at that dirty joke I should not have listened too, losing patience, quick tongue, so many ways. I want to talk with lots of the disciples in Heaven too. Especially Mary Magdalene. Her story is AWESOME!
I have thought of Judas today. He gave our precious Jesus over to them. All for some silver. Terrible guy, right? No. Vulnerable, yes. Naive, Yes. I wonder what his mindset was before he gave in to the Pharisees. I know he was taking money from the disciples, but why? It wasn't like he was living high on the hog. He was living the same way the other disciples were. Why did he need money so bad? We don't read of him being angry or disgruntled. We don't read of some deep depression. I think of those people we all know who want to do well SO bad but just end up in bad situations. They talk to the wrong person or agree to go to the wrong place. And then BAM they lose a job, or family, or their sobriety. They end up in a terrible situation because Satan attacked at a weak point and they gave in. I think Judas just really loved money. Satan started tempting him and he slowly took some from the disciples. Maybe he was sending it home to his family. Maybe he was saving it because he just didn't think he was cut out for the life of a disciple but needed something to start over with. I don't know why. But after Satan got him making one bad choice after another when the Pharisees came to him with the offer of more money, it sure sounded good. I know he later felt guilty. He gave the money back! They man KILLED himself because of it all. I am an eternal optimist and deep down I hope he called out to God before he killed himself. That he gave his heart to God but couldn't handle the guilt of getting his dear friend killed. I know that scenario is unlikely, but I have to hold on to a shred of hope for his soul. Can you imagine if he did make it to Heaven what his testimony is like! AH! If not, I want to ask the disciples about him. I want to know the man behind the deceit.
This one will be a prayer to finish it all up. Lastly, my dear sweet Jesus, Thank you. Your thoughts those last days I cannot begin to imagine. You were human but you were all God. I do not have the thoughts of God and all my thoughts are corrupted by human standards. The pain you endured. The mental anguish. Knowing you were leaving the earth you had physically walked for 30+ years. Saying goodbye to your Mom and your friends. It wasn't forever but it was still probably heart breaking. Thank you for living your life knowing that you were my sacrifice. You redeemed me. You love me when I am unlovable. You use me to make a difference. You chose me to redeem and I cannot wait to sit at your feet and sing your praises. Thank you for enduring more pain than I could ever bear, feeling all the guilt I would even incur, and for experiencing the Father turning His back on you so that I would never have to. Thank you for overcoming death and for 3 days later. Thank you for giving me something to joyously celebrate not just on Easter but everyday of my life! You are more wonderful that words could ever express. All you ask for is my love, so please dear Lord, help me love you more everyday. I will spend all eternity thanking you and it still will not be enough. Thank you.
"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5
5 The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6 He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7 Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.”
8 So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. 9 Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. 10 Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.” Matthew 28:5-10
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